The barflies at our local love to grumble that things were better before the young professionals started moving in (it’s taken me a while to realise they mean me, as I’m neither young nor professional, but there you have it). Nostalgia for crummier times runs rampant in my neck of the woods: the clothes were cheaper; the music was wilder; rents were controlled; pub demographics didn’t skew to single digits. The G-word – that bugbear “gentrification” – is spat out like an obscenity. It’s almost as if, by refusing to budge from their barstools, the old-timers think they can ward off the Bugaboo invasion.
Well, I hate to break it to them, but we’ve got a long way to go before the Chelsea faithful start moving in. Just smell the fried chicken. I got on the bus the other day with a 150-kilo man who doffed his sandals and put up his sweaty, swollen feet on the seat between us; there was literally nowhere to perch that wasn’t in spitting distance of a Tourettes sufferer or smelling distance of a wino. And yesterday I was greeted at my garden wall by a man happily peeing against it (the time was barely 5pm). In the past month my neighbours and I have had to confront cockroaches, mice, rats, mangey foxes and obstinate squatters. The alley alongside our terrace is undergoing a “cleansing”, but my daughter won’t go near adjacent park since dealing with her fair share of smackheads, leering (whether at me or at her I can’t be sure) and prone to outbursts.
I would welcome some serious gentrification. I wish the bankers hadn’t all left the country. Shopfronts need filling; For Sale signs need heeding (ours, for one, would be a start). So I’ll make you a deal, you gloomy Guses who delight in belching contests and instant coffee: my kind, we’ll stay out of your way. All we need is a few hours after breakfast to roam the streets, and another couple around 4pm. You can have everything else. Go ahead. And relish it. We wish we could join you. Sort of.
Ellen Himelfarb is a freelance writer and mother of two. You can reach her at ellen.h@mac.com
